💍 Marriage Jokes
#1
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one.
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
#2
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down.
#3
I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd been with.
She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.
#4
My wife and I have decided we don't want children.
If anybody does, we can drop them off tomorrow.
#5
My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.
So I got drunk.
#6
What's the difference between a wife and a job?
After 10 years, a job still sucks.
#7
My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with pasta.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
#8
I haven't spoken to my wife in years.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
#9
My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort.
#10
Why do married people live longer?
Because they can't die until the argument is over.
#11
My wife and I were happy for 20 years.
Then we met.
#12
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
#13
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
*Sleeps on couch*
#14
My wife told me to stop singing "Wonderwall" to her.
I said maybe.
#15
The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once.
You'll never forget it again.