âš¡ One-Liners
#1
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
#2
The rotation of Earth really makes my day.
#3
I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me Kit-Kats.
#4
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
#5
The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now.
#6
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
#7
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
#8
I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it.
#9
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.
#10
I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
#11
Velcro—what a rip-off.
#12
I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
#13
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
#14
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
#15
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.